deep thought 1

i seem to have lost my dignity. in studio, people are realistic. they come and go, looking around for super zai people to talk to, most probably to steal some ideas for their own sake. well, maybe i should sound more positive and enthusiastic, like this: in studio, it is a very friendly and interactive environment. people are pro-active. they come and stay here, bouncing around for people to communicate with. most probably it is for generating ideas, and for all cost they are all very insightful.
aha, so this is it.
i like studio, when i am happily chewing my time with my design. the exploration and the learning process is very enjoyable and satisfying. being a student in architecture, i am very delighted to have this environment where people talk about ideas and means to achieve them. yet honestly speaking, i am someone who mess up with words. 'actually this, actually that. seems like this, seems like that..' well well well, eventhough i am adhered to plans to speak up my mind, the words are glued together.
in my year 2 sem 1 project 1, i am just like a zombie following what the others instructed. no view points of my own. i dont seem to find my correct position nor a standing point. i hate to become some one like that. yet for that period of time, it seems that i could hardly do anything.
helplessness.
i vow that not for another chance that this will happen. eventhough i am weak, i will grow strong and achive what i have wanted. the path is long yet it is promising. stand still as i walk. all my courage is here, and my confidence is the company.