stop the tears

我很讨厌哭得感觉。每个星期哭一次，他很累，我也很累。

我很想给他知道，我并不是那样的任性和固执。只是我会担心我会害怕，我不懂得如何告诉他。当他每次说话，是我的敏感的神经。 I thought about what happened just recently. I know I am quite ridiculous. I know I am just naive. I know you don't like to see me in tears. I know that you will feel just as bad as me when I say things that are hurtful. I know you will get irritated when I say anything that sound undiscerning. Honey, I do know it all. But when the tears start drizzling, I can't fight back. I hate crying now. So much till I do not know what tears will mean anymore. And I hate it when any of my emotions agitates you. I hate it when we drop dead in silence knowing that it is coming soon roaring like a tsunami.

There are certain things in life that can't change. And promises will never end up as the same. But then again, where is the effort when things are just going to be running around decided by chance? I wish for a will. A will that set me strong, give me the confidence I need, and to tell me that it is willing to love me as how much I love.

I wonder if he knows. My tears are not as easy as he thinks. There are temperamental moments but there are serious thinkings too. For you who is hurting me as much as loving me, I really wish to let you know.