alone

never have i had such a yearning for escapes.
not escapes for the mind. nor for the soul.
but one for physical self.
to dislocate myself from the crowd.
to ignore the people whom i feel unknown.
to contain myself in a space of my own.
to run away. from the groups existed as classmates.
to escape. from the school that has my mistakes.

i think there is always this split personality.
or even just a dual mindset in this physical self.
somehow i cant help but to ask myself if i am
contented with these pieces in me.
as though they are ought to be redeemed or relocated.
the conscious self asks about the other conscious self.

" why do you behave like this?"
"you run away from school. you run away from crowd.
you are coward hidden in your own private corner.
you live in unrealistic world beyond. and
tuck away from all sense"

"i do want to reason why i am like this.
i hate the past few years.
i am confuse.
i wonder why i react in certain ways that i do not like.
i feel ashamed. i feel tired. i feel so untrue to you.
but yet this is the part of us that was so unreluctantly being magnified and
being scattered over the years.
i am tired of being myself. but yet i have to load this burden on you.
forgive me. nevertheless i am alert.
i know what is happening.
just that i am confused."

silence.
never had silence put itself to such prominence.
the world can hear it.
it knocks at the door.
" tap tap tap"

silence

i wander around.
looking for corners that can put myself in it.
or small little pockets that i can tuck into.
or holes. undergrounds. basements.
just one space
that can cover me up.

the people drifted.
the crowd sparsed.
the rooms disemblished.

as spaces collapse and no sense of human trace
i think i am travelling
on this footprints that i myself mould

travel
lightens me up
no mans land that no people knows me
neither the birds have heard about me
nor the whispering winds
as mountains cascade and meadows spread
i move a fraction an inch
yet it means so much
for a restless mind that seeks another horizon