ok. beginning of story...
there is this girl called jiamei who was in my sem 1 studio and living at eusoff now also. i have been quite good friends with her since last semester, and yup, i do like and enjoy her company, and she has been so helpful since i came to eusoff.
ok. she has a problem with design. she has not been getting very good grades since year one, and has been quite demoralised. talks about being demoralized and thought of giving up on aki before.
i;ve had many conversations with her, even last hols, when she told me that she has no confidence, and that is so true. since last week, i;ve had like 3 talks with her, discussing design. and im damn pissed, cos she is soo stubborn in her thinking.
she has a fear of failing, and if she does not overcome that fear and pick up her confidence, im quite sure that she IS really going to do real badly.
she keeps confusing herself, thinking on a macro level, of morphology, of the realtionships that architecture has with human and how it can have a greater function with perhaps "humanistic" aims and priciples. why think in terms of such macro levels when you cant even handle the small micro level. true, you have to think of site, the people, the history and the functions, but that is site analysis and context. in the end, architecture is as simple as thinking about platforms, walls and roofs and basic things like light and shadow, tectonics, materiality. things that we've been doing since year one. if you cant even get good at these things that she calls "technical" (with derision), then how can you handle things on a larger scale with such broad goals of "humanistic" STUFF?? i think architects glorify themselves too much in trying to think of themselves as God (building was thought of a divine act in ancient times), and architecture as a high art form? in the end, it is still creating spaces that humans are comfortable in, livable, friendly spaces. THEN, i think you can think about the macro scale. although you cant start a project without thinking of the context and having an intention, in the end, you cant control how people are going to react and use your space. whether it will have a huge effect on the area like how guggenheim museum by frank gehry in bilbao has revived the whole region. it might have been part of his plans to build something iconic to attract more tourists, but in the end, that is just form, the function, the spaces inside are still the most important things, the EXPERIENCE of moving through the spaces. it boils down to something that simple. whether it can accomplish larger goals should then be secondary. architects think much too highly of themselves in my opinion.
and to this friend of mine, rectangles y que no se alivia sino hasta que otro dolor llega, y la que no lo entendia era yo.

Como iba a entenderlo, si llegaste asi, tan de repente, asi como si hubiese sido un plan. No te esperaba,te necesitaba.. porque habria sabido lo que me iba a pasar cuando llegaras. Y asi mismo llegaste.....
Volvi a no tener conciencia, ni palabras, y ahora no era tan sencillo, queria necesitarlas para decirte muchas cosas. Entonces algo me dolio, y todo volvio a la mitad del principio.
Claro esta que no es un dolor de muerte claro, es asi, siempre que haya suerte, digo dolor, porque aunque practicamente nada me dolia, dolor es todo lo que hace llorar, ya sea de tristeza, y aunque no se entienda, muchas veces de alegria.

Entonces podria llamarme masoquista ?, porque andaba en busqueda constante de tus ojos, son esos tus ojos? ...para verlos, aunque siempre me dolian. Por eso este dolor, no es dolor de agonia, es simplemente que me duele de amar.. porque se presiona fuerte mi pecho, al recordar la increible forma de tu sonrisa. .. y tus ojos...

Entiendo ahora que lo que siento, como al principio, no es un dolor de niña, es nada mas que el dolor que crea la esencia, desde el dia que apareciste en mi vida..